Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Things I Fear.... by Klwong
As many of you will know, I suffer from social anxiety, also known as social phobia. I was always called shy as a little girl but I think it was at a phobic stage even then because I was so withdrawn and anxious even before I hit the age of 10. Today I want to talk about how social phobia affects my daily life and this is yet another attempt to be open about this anxiety disorder that is so over-looked.
Public speaking or performing: This is something that is actually a very common fear. Lots of people get anxious and very nervous when they have to make apublic speech and they are able to push themselves to do it, perhaps with the aid of medicine or short-term therapy. My fear of this is not something that cripples my life.
Making "small talk" : This is a big one for me and it’s something that isolates me quite a lot. I absolutely hate making small talk. I have no idea what to say and what happens is that my brain will begin thinking of things to say + it will play a tape recorder that goes “You will sound stupid, they will laugh at you” and then , of course, it’s even harder to think of something to say! I always feel I can’t just speak freely, I have to sound intelligent and charming at all times and so I keep to myself in order to avoid being judged. This is a very isolating fear.
Small group discussions / Asking questions in groups : I can remember going to group meetings with expecting mums and we had to sit down and discuss our expectations of motherhood and the things we wanted to teach our kids. I sat there (how I was able to show up, I don’t know – perhaps I felt it was a duty to my unborn child) and I said nothing. I sat down, listened, felt completely awful and then went home afterwards feeling like a total idiot.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
